Why Do You Need a Therapeutic Boarding School?
If you don’t act, your child will continue to spiral out of control and could possibly loose his/her life in the process. One statement I hear from kids and from their parents over and over is this: “If I (they) didn’t come to Heartlight, I think I would have been dead by now”. It’s a harsh reality to send a child off to be cared for elsewhere. But that reality pales when you consider the possibilities or outcomes of your child’s current behavior and how such behavior could ruin his or her life. What you are doing is saving your child’s life, giving him or her something that can’t be found in the current home setting. You are loving them in a way that perhaps you haven’t loved them before. It’s tough. But it’s a good decision to make if it’s going to save your child. Would you ever hesitate to throw a life buoy to your child if they were drowning?
Might I add a word of caution here? At times, when a child is behaving inappropriately, out of control, being disrespectful, disobedient, and dishonest; and has moved to a point where you’re finding that you might not like your child too much right now, please watch the way that you respond. Because the way that you respond to all that is happening within your family may elevate the problems, and cause your child to over-react to your response. Here are some things to remember while you go through this strenuous time with your child.
First, don’t act out of anger.
One of the greatest disappointments that a parent may have is watching their child ignore and violate all they have been taught. Because of parent’s good longings for their child, it’s easy for anyone to become disappointed, discouraged, and downright mad about a child who is choosing to do some things that are against everything a family stands for. It’s okay to be mad, just don’t act out of that anger. Remember the Scripture, Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin.” (NIV) And, Proverbs 29:22 “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.” (NIV)
Take a breath. Let the situation “sink in”. And don’t use your first swing. Contrary to what golfers tell me, my first swing is not always the best. James 1:19 states, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ” Great words. Step back and think the situation through. Don’t let your child’s problem now create new ones or become your problem.
Second, don’t get physical.
Keep it verbal. When it gets hot, get cool. When it steams toward aggression, take a break. Defend yourself, but don’t strike out. Restrain when needed, but don’t intentionally inflict. And there are a couple of reasons for this. Here they are. Anything physical has a way of damaging a child to the point that you will never regain what you have just lost. Never. So make the decision right now that you will never allow yourself to get to the point of allowing yourself to become physical. And if you don’t think that you can keep yourself from that, then don’t even enter the conflict because there’s a second part of this. If you strike your child, the harsh reality of it that you could serve time, and I’m not talking about a mission project in Mexico. I’m talking about the kind of time that ruins lives. The adrenaline of the moment is not worth a loss of a lifetime. Another point here needs to be addressed. If you child chooses to get physical, with you or other family members; make a decision today what you will do in that circumstance. I tell all the young people that live with us that if they are ever physical with our staff, the sheriff or police will be called and they will be arrested. Period. You can’t get physical without some consequences. You or your teen.
Thirdly, don’t ignore what is happening in your family hoping that it will just go away, or think that the problems will disappear when your child turns 18.
They are happening at this time for a reason. If God’s timing is perfect, then take advantage of the time, and do what you need to do, even if it means finding out what you are supposed to do during this time.
And fourthly, know that this time will one day be over.
Like the realization that your headache you’ve felt is gone, so this conflict or struggle will be one day. 2 Corinthians 4:17 states, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” I would put an emphasis on “momentary.” This struggle may last a while, but it won’t last long.
And whenever you do have a struggle, it’s never at the right time. But it is at this time for a reason. And how you handle the struggle, respond, and behave in the midst, will sometimes determine how long you’ll be in the struggle. You think that Lord is going to limit His teaching to your teen during this time? I bet not.